02/28/03 - Official Team Press Release
About this time of year, all the cycling teams out there submit their team announcements to the media. While Velonews will only pick up the releases on the big money PRO teams (and the occasional ad pretending to be a press release for Alison Dunlaps camp and George Hincapies clothes) Cyclingnews.com, bless their sweet Aussie hearts, prints each and every press release as written. So leave it to those funny guys up in Santa Cruz to take small advantage of the Aussie naiveté. Good one, Dave.
I just finished the official Velo Bella Press Release. It's very humdrum as I sculpted it to fit the accepted confines of such releases. But if I could write it anyway I wanted to, it might read something like this:
"Velo Bella announces their 2003 race team. The team that started last year when a bunch of girls got tired of wearing orange, red and purple team shorts, grows to over 60 racers for the 2003 season. The team plans to race in cyclocross, mountain bike, road, track, dual slalom, trigeek..I mean athlon, muddy buddy, Saturday morning rides, coffee shop procrastinating "beat the boy", parking lot posing and other cycling events across the country. They also plan to compete while wearing slimming, non baboon-butt looking, shorts. Look for Velo Bella racers to win stages of Redlands Bicycle Classic and the always internationally-acclaimed Madera Stage Race.
Promising new team recruits include, Vanessa Guyton, formerly racing for Vlaanderen T Interim in Belgium and Flo Queen Stover, formerly racing only when her large group of friends could talk her into it. Returning riders include UCI Masters MTB Worlds silver medallist, Shelly Whisenhant and booth babe extraordinaire, Laura Sanchez.
The team hopes to encourage newcomers to give racing a try by showing that it's not so scary. Which would be a great plan if only they would stop crashing . But as soon as they heal, theyll get right on that. Oh and besides racing, they plan to do lots of nice shit for the community and stuff.
Velo Bella wishes to thank all the wonderful 2003 sponsors for making the season possible. But they still need to sell lots of T-Shirts too. Actually they need to sell a lot of T-Shirts. Please buy a T-Shirt."
Ed Note: Okay before I get myself in lots of trouble. I really do want to thank our sponsors and we really will do feel-good stuff for the community, and were not really crashing all that much.
"Welcome" to our 2003 Sponsors!
- Pazzo - Our Artist. We love him.
- uniquefocus, inc. - Our Web Genius and the reason you are able to read this.
- LOOK - LOOK at Shelly on her LOOK!
- Easton - How cool are those all carbon seatposts!
- SIDI - Womens sizing, without compromise. Thank you.
- Ciclosport - German made. Need I say more?
- Fox Racing Shox - Because Fox Forks rock and wiggly forks suck.
- Spokesman Bicycles - Feel the love, just dont pee in their shower.
- Giro - Impact is everything. Not that were crashing a lot or anything!
- Zeal Optics - Functional and fashionable, just like our jersey.
- GU - mmmm&chocolate GU is yummy.
- Steven Gile Appraisal Services - The best damn appraiser around.
- Schwalbe Tires - German made. Need I say more? Again.
- Light & Motion - I could go on and on about how much I love my ARC
- Pedros - Because we are all going to learn how to work on our own bikes. Stop laughing. We might.
- Steelman Cycles - Hey Brent! You rule.
- Past Tense Sports Massage - Jody, go see Dana. You need a website; youre all linkless.